I Guess I am!

Well really I know I am... I am a Christian. Early this morning an event occurred with my daughter. So I ended up staying up beside her in the bed, watching her to make sure she was okay while she slept. So I was a little troubled and the Lord came to my head. I really felt lost and felt helpless about my family. So I dug out one of my Bibles... a TD Jakes one and opened it up and read the first page I came to. I can't remember what it said at this moment, but I kept reading and then the thought came into my head that I had not ever stopped being a Christian, but that I was trying to distance myself from some activity that was being associated with Christians. But my values and opinions never changed. And I have always believed they were God's opinions too... at least from what I had come to understand from my childhood Bible readings. And after this came to me this morning, I felt so at peace when I finally let myself surrender to the Love that is God that I remember to be.

I will write more later... right now I need to get dinner started.

Sorting It Out Pt.2

I just re-read 2 of my previous posts and I realized something... I need to ask myself what is Christianity? Not who is Christianity? Or what have people representing Christianity done? Or where has Christianity come from? But what IS Christianity?

-Is it the teachings of the followers of Christ? I don't know, but this is what the formation of the word should represent, I would think.

-So what are the teachings of Christ? I read most of the Bible as a little girl, but I think it is time to re-visit it to check it out with "new eyes".

-What does Christianity have to do with Christians today? What do I believe that agrees with Jesus/Biblical teachings? I know that right after some of my "world religion" journey realizations, the first thing that would come to mind would be a greater understanding of a certain Bible verse.

Okay, I'll be working on these.

Tell the Truth Tuesday... Saturday?

Not Tuesday, but oh well... I thought it might be a good time to tell the truth today. Embarrassment and all... Deep breath and here goes...

-First, I want to remarry. I would like to be married again. I would like to try it again with what I know about myself and human nature now.

-I miss being a Christian. I miss the community of it, I miss having something I believe in and could rely on and didn't have to come up with some deep philosophical reasoning for every blasted thing. I could just read the Bible and pray. (this is part of the
sorting out process)

It's funny how I am deeply embarrassed to admit these things. Feels pretty good though to put it out there.

Sorting It Out

It's time to start sorting out my feelings concerning Christianity. Not in relation to what anybody else has to say about, or what is politically correct, but what in my heart is true. Cool. So more posts to come in the near future about that.

Keywords/Notes:

-youth/church

-daily prayers and feelings remembered

-actual biblical information and what I was taught and what it means to me today

-African religions

-Christianity came out of Africa

Circle

Okay, I have decided to change the title. I am feeling a much more comfortable... I believe from starting up this outlet/blog. Well this whole thing got me to thinking that in my rebellion from my parents so many years ago, I ran away from a lot of good things. A perspective change has been brewing. And in looking at some old photos, it was confirmed that things seem to be coming around full circle. And the seed my parents sowed within me is now coming to bloom. Wow... I really am a late bloomer... better late than neva though.

Slavery: Letters from Descendants 1932

Came across this...

Slavery As We Heard It:

(from the page →)In the Fall of 1932 the students at Jonesboro Elementary School, Greensboro, N.C., under the direction of Mr. Abraham H. Peeler, undertook an oral history project to document the memories of their parents, grandparents, or relatives. They captured these memories in brief compositions, which were placed in a folder "Slavery As We’Ve Heard It."

Rollers

This morn I thought about how I would do my hair if I was not so self-concious and concerned about others... I would roll up my hair with some Lottabody on hard rollers the way my mom used to do. Maybe sit under the dryer and then pin up in the back when I take the rollers down. When did I become a slave to the damaging flat iron and instant styles? Well, after the "I should have locs to be Tru" phase... another story for future post, maybe. Hair is such an important part as to how I feel about myself... why? I've asked this question to myself over and over and over for years now, and every time I thought I had come up with a satisfactory answer, it turns out it was only true in theory. Well no whys right now... reliance on what the old folks say "No matter if your poor or rich, never go out the house unkempt. Always be clean and look your best." Cool by me... So rollers it is and next to my box of patterns to start the planning of sewing some comfortable clothing.




The picture above is from an article here.
I really love the answers Mrs. Cartwright gives, but one of the questions kinda rubbed me the wrong way... the way Mrs. Cartwright answered it was so intelligent. I take from it that my life is not what it is in regards to other folks, only in regards to my Creator. Also this quote:

"The Lord has allowed me to see the great diverse nation of which I am a part and yet value what He has made me. There is not one of our ancestors that lived through slavery and every other degradation that would allow us to use our color or the treatment of our race for an excuse to do nothing or be nothing. "

I take this out of context, but I think it still works for me... since I do not call myself a Christian, I left out some references to Christianity... however I do share some of their values. Nice...

Facts: Twisted Perspective

Fact I came across lately:

- Cowrie shells were used as currency up until the late 1800's in some parts of the world.

Perspective change > Many enslaved transported to this continent, had cowrie shells hidden on on their persons... They came here with currency. Meaning they were active in lives, selling, trading... living. Of course this is the case, but it is imprinted on some memory of mine, by years of societal teaching, that my ancestors were just running around with no clothes on, savages, doing nothing of importance on the African Continent... so it was okay and really to their betterment to be taken and taught "something". You know, I am by no means uneducated or unfamiliar to Tru African, American history, but there are still these little "triggers" or "keys" embedded in my mind/memory that act of their own accord, involuntarily. Self induced restraints/racism put there by this society's collective mind.

- Wars were occurring on the African Continent while The [En]Slave[d] Trade was going on.

This is something that I did not know up until earlier this year. I learned this from a Spanish friend who was taught this in school. I was never taught this in school.

Perspective change > Okay so here goes another one... I always had the impression there was no fight put up on the part of my ancestors... now that I think of it, the image in my head was of some simpletons just accidently being caught and not know what was going on or being tricked... poor pititul fools. Wow that is really a sick thing to think about one ancestors (about one's self?), especially when it is not the Truth! and to not know or realize or understand why that deep dark feeling is there or to even be to ashamed to admit that feeling is there... wow, what a mind u-know-what! And how does this believing this self-deprecating notion/non-sense affect who you believe you are and what you believe you can do? Another self-induced restraint.

*

I remember seeing on PBS about 20 some years ago that documents were found in Charlotte, North Carolina (? I believe that's were it was) written by the cities founders about how with the end of the Civil War, the chains needed to be invisible ones of... psychological chains. I wish I could find something about these documents on the net, but I have not been able to as of yet.