Autumn

Fall seems to be coming early this year in Vegas. It is so unseasonably cool and beautiful outside. Another day to have the windows and doors open. :)

What's Really Goin On?

This anger I have been feeling for the past several days, I sincerely wanted to know where it was coming from. I did not want to have a beer and numb it away, so I didn't. I just told the kids and my friends that I was feeling grumpy and grouchy and to excuse me for anything I might say or do that may be uncalled for. Late last night I heard the word "rebellion". It has been my hardheadedness, stubbornness, my black and white extremist vision... I have so many questions about things. Things concerning the Bible and life. When I read the Bible, sometimes I just feel frustration, because I am not liking what I read. But I vow that this time, I will not just get angry and act out. Last night I prayed that God would give me the answers to the questions I have. I did however first indulge in my tendency to find out for myself. So of course I started hunting around on the internet. More frustration. I even decided to type in a "minister" that I use to look to for guidance, Juanita Bynum. As a matter of fact, her along with others (T.D. Jakes, Bishop Paul Morton, Eddie Long and more) were part of the reason I just gave up on what I took as Christianity at the time. There was a news story about her and her husband divorcing and that he beat and choked her in a parking lot. I would like to say I was amazed, but not really. And what I read that folks were saying about the whole incident, that it was a set up so that she could go on to add another "ministry" (domestic abuse) to her repertoire, it made sense. So I ended up reading about the rest of these "ministers" and saw so many things that I was not able to know when I left that whole thing alone 10 years ago. I am not happy that all that went on and is still going on, but I am happy that I had the common sense to leave. So after really seeing that looking to "man" is not the way, I knew that the answers would come directly to my heart and that I just need to wait and listen.

Also I really need to get a KJV Bible like I used to have when I was young. Right now I have a TD Jakes "Woman Thou Art Loosed" Bible and I would just like one that is just the words of the Bible, nothing else.

I found this verse this morning:

Hebrews 3:15

"while it is said:

"Today, if you will hear His voice,
Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion."

Try again today

Yesterday was a bust as far as working on the to do list... but victorious on catchin up on sleep. :) After talking to my friend Mone, I told myself I was going to read a little and next thing I know, it was 8:30p. I got up disoriented and started to make a late late dinner of chicken enchiladas. Ate and promptly went back to sleep. People were having street races up down the street in front of our apartments last night. I kept waking up startled out of my sleep, not able to discern what the loud horrible screeching noises were. I believe they got into my dreams and made for some crazy funky ones. This morn I awoke with a funny feeling in my stomach. But it's a beautiful day outside and I am going to fling open all the windows and open the blinds and let the outside come in. :)

I was talking to my little sis late last night about things that are going on in her new relationship with her very first love. They recently reunited. And it got me to thinking how I view men. I view them as formidable opponents that I have to out think and be 3 steps ahead of, at least at first. Then when I decide they are worthy opponents, I just give up and turn into ditsy dummy. Everything just shuts down. All my thinking faculties, my common sense. I can see why I do this now. If I love a person (I equate love with some type of warfare and who I love has to be a warrior), I am afraid to see any of their faults. This has more to do with me than with them, I believe. If I see any faults it means I picked wrong. And that is something I could not even fathom considering. So I turn my brain off, so I won't see them. But of course I do, and this sends me down a road of denial that I have a hard time getting off of. But now... I have submitted to God first. And He is my Father and now I don't have to worry about doing any of that anymore. I now see that who I pick for my life is bound to be an not-whole person, because of my limited thinking and past experiences. And God has also fulfilled the needs I perceived my mate would fulfill... a shoulder to lean, someone to hear my troubles, someone to prop me up and encourage me in the hard times, someone to wipe my tears, someone to Love me no matter what. Also what I have always wanted in a father, but my father was unable to provide because of his own emotional scars. But now I can sincerely pray for my father without a hidden anger or resentment. It is funny, I always forget my father is a pastor of a church. And I get rather jealous that he is able to help others and not his own children. He is currently building a homeless shelter, community center and church in his hometown. Well now I can just pray about the whole thing and give it to God.

Playing Catch Up :)

I did get some one :) thing accomplished from the Monday Meandering "Must Do" List... I started on updating my Organization Folder. I removed a lot of the clutter and scaled it down a bit. Tonight I will start with my before-bed-routine again. As I sit on here right now, I am not dressed... still in my nightgown. Will start that tomorrow. The Zones... wow... I think I was being a little optimistic in thinking of getting all of that accomplished, but you never know... that may be the "tiredness" talking. I am going to start with the kitchen cabinets this afternoon. And if it goes smoothly (cuz they have really been neglected), I will start the bathroom cabinet this evening or tomorrow morning. Organizing the kids personal stuff may have to wait till the weekend.

When I woke up this morn, I rediscovered the Animal Planet Channel's Sunrise Earth. That program is such a nice thing to have on the TV in the morning. Even if I am not looking at the TV, the sounds of the outdoors are soothing and a welcome reminder of nature.

If I have time, I think I am going to finish up a dress I started making several months ago. Just the hem and the buttons are left to be done. And continue working on my godson's quilt for his son.

Time to get to work...

Wordless Wednesday... a lil late :)

Looking back...

(poem written by lady in the first picture seated on the right)

"APPLE SAUCE AND CHICKEN FRIED"
By Effie Waller Smith

You may talk about the knowledge
Which our farmers' girls have gained
From cooking-schools and cook-books,
(Where all modern cooks are trained);
But I would rather know just how,
(Though vainly I have tried)
To prepare, as mother used to,
Apple sauce and chicken fried.


Our modern cooks know how to fix
Their dainty dishes rare,
But, friend, just let me tell you what!--
None of them can compare
With what my mother used to fix,
And for which I've often cried,
When I was but a little tot,--
Apple sauce and chicken fried.


Chicken a la Française,
And also fricassee,
Served with some new fangled sauce
Is plenty good for me,
Till I get to thinking of the home
Where once I used to 'bide,
And where I used to eat,--um, my!
Apple sauce and chicken fried.

We always had it once a week,
Sometimes we had it twice;
And I have even known the time
When we have had it thrice.
Our good, yet jolly pastor,
During his circuit's ride
With us once each week gave grateful thanks
For apple sauce and chicken fried.

Why, it seems like I can smell it,
And even taste it, too,
And see it with my natural eyes,
Though of course it can't be true;
And it seems like I'm a child again,
Standing by mother's side,
Pulling at her dress and asking
For apple sauce and chicken fried.

Hectic, but good

Watching my nieces for the past several days... taking care of two households (that includes my four children, my mother, my older teenage niece and lil "baby" nieces) for the past several days while lil sis has been out of town, has been really hectic. My fear of driving and being out and about in this city had to be overcome. I was not stressed out like I would usually be though. And the change was my being able to just do His will. I am sure it is His will to take care of those that need taking care of, so in that, I was able to handle everything with little to no anger or stress or frustration. So many things happened in the past several days that I know would've sent me over the edge a couple of weeks ago. Picking up, taking to work, helping because of car troubles in the middle of the night, missed buses, a night full of nightmares and no sleep, bed wetting, etc. But I did not get angry, angry like I used to. I got a little frustrated, but it was just surface. And no repression like I used to do. At some point, I think I even enjoyed the fact that I could do all that was needed and not even come close to breaking down. Thank you Lord. I've never understood nor experienced the Peace from fully "putting your burdens on Him" before. Wow, amazing.

Oh I am so happy :)

I just wanted to write before I go to bed that I am so happy that the sisters who commented on my previous posts took the time to visit here. Reading the comments made me smile ear to ear! :) I have been a little busy babysitting my nieces for the past 3 days, and I am so tired... I want to go and comment each lady back, but I think that I am not coherent enough at this moment. My heart is so full. Thank you ladies...

I found the words that I opened the Bible to that early Sunday morn...
(I have a TD Jakes Bible that has pages of devotions dispersed throughout)

Daughter of the Morning (Romans 13:11,12)

(11 And do this, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep; for now our salvation is nearer than when we first believed. 12 The night is far spent, the day is at hand. Therefore let us cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light.)

Revival is more than a long meeting in a crowded church. People can meet for weeks and not experience revival. Revival occurs when that which was dead is brought back to life. It is the waking up of the cast down. You can have a revival in your spiritual life, your personal life, your financial life, or whatever part of you the enemy has rocked to sleep. Just call on the Prince of Peace. His name is Jesus.

He is the Prince who ignites what life has extinguished. His kiss can awaken the sleeping beauty. One kiss from Him can restore every area of your life, both natural and supernatural. He is the One who can walk into a room and speak to the romance that enemy is trying to kill. He says, "Damsel, arise!"

If you are in a catatonic state, it affects everyone with whom you are associated. They are waiting to see that there is another woman in you. She is neither timid nor afraid. She is not angry or insecure. She is whole. It is she who must be awakened. There is another woman in you, a gentler, softer, more loving, more giving woman who has been repressed by circumstances.

You need to be loosed and set free. there is another woman who has a key to your destiny. She is courageous and resilient, determined and assertive. The Word awakens that which should have been awake and puts to sleep some of the issues that should have retired a long time ago. This is the announcement that your soul has been waiting for. This is the announcement that releases you from the long night of repression and guilt. This is the announcement that the nation will feel. It is the blaring sound of an alarm clock shaking with the intensity of it's convictions.

To all of you who almost overslept, to all of you have shed tears and thought you'd missed your chance, to all of you who have ever felt that you were too deeply entrenched in sin, to the damsel whose hair has grayed and whose steps have faltered, to the college student whose willowy arms are full of books and whose heart is full of questions, to all lovely women, young and old, black and white, simply said, but firmly meant, Talitha cumi! "Arise little darling". It is morning!

I cry and feel so full even at writing it now.

No more whirring in my head

I am just so happy now... so many thoughts have just disappeared after I accepted and acknowledged the presence of the Lord back into my life. I see that I was struggling with my will to do it myself, and in seeing things through "my way" led to so many corrupted ways of thinking. It was a never ending chasing the tail.

Words/verses that I read last night and this morning:

From Gospel Pearls:
Don't you realize your can worship things or people by paying them too much attention? You can worship them by dedicating your life to impressing them, or by allowing their opinion to determine your self-worth or esteem. Those things are idols in your life.

John 16:31-33
Jesus answered them, "Do you now believe? Indeed the hour is coming, yes, has now come, that you will be scattered, each to his own, and will leave Me alone. And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

My nieces are asking me to spend some time with them over my shoulder, so I am having a hard time concentrating. I will write more later.

Much Peace.

Peace

I cannot describe what peace I am now feeling. When I try to think of a description, tears come to my eyes, no words. No fighting or struggling in my head, I just feel free. I feel a renewed sense that I can cope and that life is good. But it seems these words don't do describing this peace justice. It kind of feels like I never skipped a beat. And all those issues I was going to hash over and sort out... that need no longer exists. Thank you Lord for encompassing everything.

And thank you Mom for not giving up on me and for planting these "seeds" so I can be sustained from them now.

I also wanted to say a great big huge thank you to a blogger that I only emailed briefly several months ago, but her words and blog have impacted me greatly. Thank you so much for your kind and wise words Tiany.

Also of course to my great, great friend Miss Mone... Thank you sister.

*

I am also participating in Tiany's Monday's Meanderings for the first time... a description from her blog...

"Monday Meanderings” is the perfect way to use your blog to keep you accountable to the most important part of your life, your “Home Life”! Simply pick 5 things each week that will better prepare you to tackle the week ahead!"

Really great idea to incorporate something that tends to take away from Home Life and help in balancing it out. Okay so here goes for my Monday Meanderings:

1. Bible Study/Devotions - I do not have a Bible Study or Devotional plan, so I am going to plan one and look around to find some ideas. I started by clicking on the Above Rubies link on Tiany's page and found this:

Two Blessing for the Home Pt. 2, No. 181

Jeremiah 6:16; “Thus saith the Lord, Stand ye in the ways and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls, But they said, we will not walk therein.”

The second thing God wants shepherdesses to provide for their little flock is to lead them into REST.

What about rest? Does this mean the children can loaf around and do what they like? No, this is not talking about laziness. It is a rest of peacefulness. It is rest from tension and strife. The shepherdess leads her family into a restful atmosphere. Ezekiel 34:14 Knox says, “I will lead them into fair pastures, the high mountains of Israel shall be their feeding ground, the mountains of Israel, with soft grass for them to rest on.”

It is delightful to lie down in soft grass, isn’t it? Who can lie down in prickly grass? No one. The shepherdess/mother seeks to eradicate all prickliness from the atmosphere of her home. She works as a peacemaker against all contention. She leads her family to soft grass. It’s beckoning. It’s comfortable.

Of course, life is never perfect. There will always be conflicts to overcome in the home. There are often arguments and upsets. The enemy is always lurking around to disrupt the peace and make the grass prickly. But the shepherdess is also a watchwoman. She guards her family from the attacks of the enemy. She uses the weapon of intercession to push back the enemy of discord. She prays in the anointing of God’s Holy Spirit to put out the fires of discord and bring harmony and peace. I am often challenged by Proverbs 18:6 which says, “A fool’s lips enter into contention.” We can dissipate many conflicts if we bite our lips!

The shepherdess who safely folds her flock also makes sure everything is clean and in order in her home. It is difficult to rest in a home that is out of order.

We need to remind ourselves that God calls the home a resting place. Numbers 10:33 tells us that God went before the children of Israel to search out a resting place for them.

Proverbs 24:15 gives a strong warning to anyone who destroys the peace and rest of a godly home, “Lay not wait, O wicked man, against the dwelling of the righteous, spoil not his resting place.”
Isaiah 32:18, "My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.”
Hosea 11:11 Knox, “And in their own home, says the Lord, I will give them rest.”

May you live in rest in your home of rest.
Love from NANCY CAMPBELL

PRAYER:

“I pray, Lord, that you will help me to make the grass soft for my children to lie in. Help me to lead them away from prickly grass. Help me to create an atmosphere of rest. Amen.”

AFFIRMATION:

In meadows green we rest
Where the grass is soft to nest!

This definitely applies to some things are happening in our home right now. I really desire for our family to have healthier habits and be happy as themselves. But more on that in the "Train Them Up" section...


2. "Must Do" - This week I must:

• Organize where everyone is going to keep their personal items. (The kids recently moved back home)
• Update my Organization Folder (inspired by here)
  
• Start back up on my Routines and Fly Lady inspired schedules.
• Get dressed and make up bed right after I wake up
• Get my hair styles, hair grooming techniques/maintenance and clothing organized.
  

3. Zone - I don't have specific zone schedule set up, but my kitchen cabinets and drawers really need attention and under the bathroom sink.

4. Train Them Up - My kids are young adults and teenagers, but there are most definitely some areas that need to be addressed. But as being my kids are older, I do believe I need to start "teaching" by being an example. They already have some foundation, but we have all had a rough time of it and especially in the last 5 or 6 years. So I will update as to what comes up.

5. Menu Planning - I have been winging it for the past several weeks and it's been working out pretty good for us. But here is a little guide plan that I can look at during the week to work with:

Meals Suggestions


1) BBQ Chicken, white rice, mixed vegetables, mac n' cheese, white bread or corn bread

2) Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, sweet peas

3) Carne Asada, refried beans, spanish rice, potato salad, tortillas

4) Baked Chicken, mashed potatoes, mac n' cheese, cabbage, cornbread

5) Enchiladas, spanish rice, refried beans

6) Tacos, spanish rice, refried beans

7) Spaghetti w/ ground beef, salad, bread and butter

*

Okay I think that is about it. Probably more to come later.

I Guess I am!

Well really I know I am... I am a Christian. Early this morning an event occurred with my daughter. So I ended up staying up beside her in the bed, watching her to make sure she was okay while she slept. So I was a little troubled and the Lord came to my head. I really felt lost and felt helpless about my family. So I dug out one of my Bibles... a TD Jakes one and opened it up and read the first page I came to. I can't remember what it said at this moment, but I kept reading and then the thought came into my head that I had not ever stopped being a Christian, but that I was trying to distance myself from some activity that was being associated with Christians. But my values and opinions never changed. And I have always believed they were God's opinions too... at least from what I had come to understand from my childhood Bible readings. And after this came to me this morning, I felt so at peace when I finally let myself surrender to the Love that is God that I remember to be.

I will write more later... right now I need to get dinner started.

Sorting It Out Pt.2

I just re-read 2 of my previous posts and I realized something... I need to ask myself what is Christianity? Not who is Christianity? Or what have people representing Christianity done? Or where has Christianity come from? But what IS Christianity?

-Is it the teachings of the followers of Christ? I don't know, but this is what the formation of the word should represent, I would think.

-So what are the teachings of Christ? I read most of the Bible as a little girl, but I think it is time to re-visit it to check it out with "new eyes".

-What does Christianity have to do with Christians today? What do I believe that agrees with Jesus/Biblical teachings? I know that right after some of my "world religion" journey realizations, the first thing that would come to mind would be a greater understanding of a certain Bible verse.

Okay, I'll be working on these.

Tell the Truth Tuesday... Saturday?

Not Tuesday, but oh well... I thought it might be a good time to tell the truth today. Embarrassment and all... Deep breath and here goes...

-First, I want to remarry. I would like to be married again. I would like to try it again with what I know about myself and human nature now.

-I miss being a Christian. I miss the community of it, I miss having something I believe in and could rely on and didn't have to come up with some deep philosophical reasoning for every blasted thing. I could just read the Bible and pray. (this is part of the
sorting out process)

It's funny how I am deeply embarrassed to admit these things. Feels pretty good though to put it out there.

Sorting It Out

It's time to start sorting out my feelings concerning Christianity. Not in relation to what anybody else has to say about, or what is politically correct, but what in my heart is true. Cool. So more posts to come in the near future about that.

Keywords/Notes:

-youth/church

-daily prayers and feelings remembered

-actual biblical information and what I was taught and what it means to me today

-African religions

-Christianity came out of Africa

Circle

Okay, I have decided to change the title. I am feeling a much more comfortable... I believe from starting up this outlet/blog. Well this whole thing got me to thinking that in my rebellion from my parents so many years ago, I ran away from a lot of good things. A perspective change has been brewing. And in looking at some old photos, it was confirmed that things seem to be coming around full circle. And the seed my parents sowed within me is now coming to bloom. Wow... I really am a late bloomer... better late than neva though.

Slavery: Letters from Descendants 1932

Came across this...

Slavery As We Heard It:

(from the page →)In the Fall of 1932 the students at Jonesboro Elementary School, Greensboro, N.C., under the direction of Mr. Abraham H. Peeler, undertook an oral history project to document the memories of their parents, grandparents, or relatives. They captured these memories in brief compositions, which were placed in a folder "Slavery As We’Ve Heard It."

Hairstyles in Africa 50's and 60's

Came across this while searching for images

http://www.africanloxo.com/galerie_photo.htm

Rollers>Good

Yup, I rolled up my hair yesterday and it came out really nice. First I used some good ol' Blue Magic, then lightly spritzed a little Lottabody diluted with water (3 pts W to 1 pt. L) on the ends and worked it in the rest of the section and rolled on hard rollers (sizes ranging from oh about 1 1/2" in front to Jumbo 3 to 4" in back), pinning with bobby pins. Left in for about 1 to 2 hours (it was pretty hot yesterday, so dried quick) and took em down. Didn't comb them out for more staying power. Pinned hair up with bobby pins, cuz I just can't seem to take my hair being down anymore. Only thing, I didn't tie my hair up last night so I woke up to my hair being a little out of wack. But I will just go roll it up in bit.

(*One of my sons came up to me while I was sewing and told me my hair looked really nice... :) Cool. )

Rollers

This morn I thought about how I would do my hair if I was not so self-concious and concerned about others... I would roll up my hair with some Lottabody on hard rollers the way my mom used to do. Maybe sit under the dryer and then pin up in the back when I take the rollers down. When did I become a slave to the damaging flat iron and instant styles? Well, after the "I should have locs to be Tru" phase... another story for future post, maybe. Hair is such an important part as to how I feel about myself... why? I've asked this question to myself over and over and over for years now, and every time I thought I had come up with a satisfactory answer, it turns out it was only true in theory. Well no whys right now... reliance on what the old folks say "No matter if your poor or rich, never go out the house unkempt. Always be clean and look your best." Cool by me... So rollers it is and next to my box of patterns to start the planning of sewing some comfortable clothing.




The picture above is from an article here.
I really love the answers Mrs. Cartwright gives, but one of the questions kinda rubbed me the wrong way... the way Mrs. Cartwright answered it was so intelligent. I take from it that my life is not what it is in regards to other folks, only in regards to my Creator. Also this quote:

"The Lord has allowed me to see the great diverse nation of which I am a part and yet value what He has made me. There is not one of our ancestors that lived through slavery and every other degradation that would allow us to use our color or the treatment of our race for an excuse to do nothing or be nothing. "

I take this out of context, but I think it still works for me... since I do not call myself a Christian, I left out some references to Christianity... however I do share some of their values. Nice...

Facts: Twisted Perspective

Fact I came across lately:

- Cowrie shells were used as currency up until the late 1800's in some parts of the world.

Perspective change > Many enslaved transported to this continent, had cowrie shells hidden on on their persons... They came here with currency. Meaning they were active in lives, selling, trading... living. Of course this is the case, but it is imprinted on some memory of mine, by years of societal teaching, that my ancestors were just running around with no clothes on, savages, doing nothing of importance on the African Continent... so it was okay and really to their betterment to be taken and taught "something". You know, I am by no means uneducated or unfamiliar to Tru African, American history, but there are still these little "triggers" or "keys" embedded in my mind/memory that act of their own accord, involuntarily. Self induced restraints/racism put there by this society's collective mind.

- Wars were occurring on the African Continent while The [En]Slave[d] Trade was going on.

This is something that I did not know up until earlier this year. I learned this from a Spanish friend who was taught this in school. I was never taught this in school.

Perspective change > Okay so here goes another one... I always had the impression there was no fight put up on the part of my ancestors... now that I think of it, the image in my head was of some simpletons just accidently being caught and not know what was going on or being tricked... poor pititul fools. Wow that is really a sick thing to think about one ancestors (about one's self?), especially when it is not the Truth! and to not know or realize or understand why that deep dark feeling is there or to even be to ashamed to admit that feeling is there... wow, what a mind u-know-what! And how does this believing this self-deprecating notion/non-sense affect who you believe you are and what you believe you can do? Another self-induced restraint.

*

I remember seeing on PBS about 20 some years ago that documents were found in Charlotte, North Carolina (? I believe that's were it was) written by the cities founders about how with the end of the Civil War, the chains needed to be invisible ones of... psychological chains. I wish I could find something about these documents on the net, but I have not been able to as of yet.

Why not now?

Why not have slave festivals now? Okay we are not technically enslaved any longer, but was that all the slave festivals were about? I can't rightly say... but what I feel was, it was the desire to come together, celebrate, commune with others who shared similar traditions, sing, dance, taking the advantage to have some semblance of fun in the horror of their circumstance. I would greatly enjoy attending one of these now. And the reasons to have one has not greatly changed. As matter of fact, it seems to me we need one now more than ever... with community disappearing, traditions vanishing.

What would it take to put one of these on?

Title

Someone to talk to... that's seems a little needy to me. But I guess I am feeling a little needy when it comes to self expression. My poor friend who I constantly bombard with my up and down roller coaster of emotions... at least she will get a little reprieve with my utilizing this. So I will keep it, vulnerability may be what the doc ordered in this case.

Slave Festivals

http://books.google.com/books?id=DhlT0z9DX3cC&pg=PA8&lpg=PA8&dq=
slave+festivals&source=web&ots
=sP4Sq9y-Rw&sig=ghDoHVVV0Rvzcwl9OYQya8ZFg4s

Never heard of slave festivals before... Just popped in my head while cleaning the kitchen to look for them, so I typed it in Google and the above↑ is one of the links that came up... Google book/The Sounds of Slavery by Graham J. White and Stephen White.

So on the page of the link it is talking about The Pinkster Festival... A Slave Holiday originally Dutch/New Jersey-New York...

"black people gathered on a plain outside town, divided up into groups according to their different
Nations and danced to the hollow sound of a drum made from a hollow tree trunk. The grating rattling noise of pebbles or shells in a small basket and the sound of many bangers (banjos), while other blacks accompanied the dancers in song."

Hmmm... pretty interesting. From the book, these celebrations occurred from around the 1790's through the late 1800's. I don't know how to copy and paste from Google Books (and I guess it would make sense if you can't), but there is more to read there.

-King Charles, African born (en)slaved "whose authority is absolute & will is law during the festivals"

-Guinea Dance

-Jonkunnu (my note: Junkanoo in the Bahamas, were my mother's side is from) North Carolina; gumba boxes (related to goombay summer?)

-Corn Shucking Festival (pg. 10) nice part about after festival would take their enslaver and through him up in the air and carry him into the house, place him in his chair, comb his hair and cross his legs, then leave him be. Hmmm... this sounds like some type of rite... I wonder what it meant?

-Highlight of Corn Shucking Festival; singing

This book seems to be full of lots of information, previously unbeknownst to me. I will be reading this more in the future.

Wow...

What was I thinking? I guess I can romanticize if I don't tell the truth...

definition:

–verb (used with object)

1.	to make romantic; invest with a romantic character: Many people romanticize the role of an editor.

–verb (used without object)

2.	to hold romantic notions, ideas, etc.

Romantic:

-fanciful; impractical; unrealistic:

-imbued with or dominated by idealism

-imaginary, fictitious, or fabulous

So what other option could there be but to tell the truth... I guess I must've held a belief somewhere that images I saw of Europeans of the era were the truth... all posed and gentile and innocent... just as if they had simple lovely lives as if by magic or the wonderful hand of God, not by the forced labor of African & Indian peoples... silly me, eh?

*

So I found out some things about clothing & lifestyle of the enslaved (still researching about free black persons), also some about sharecroppers.

Making separate future posts.

Some keywords/notes:

-Osnaburg / Negro Cloth

-Bonnets

- Patterns (http://harriets.com/workdresses.htm )

- Google search [WPA slave narratives]

- Arkansas sharecroppers http://www.english.uiuc.edu/maps/poets/a_f/brown/photos.htm

- Stories from Dad and Unc

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I belong to a nice enuff forum for period clothing... I joined several (?) months ago and just revisited this morn and of course what do I surf click my way onto? these words written by a young lady (not on the forum but on her off site blog)

"I like to read Mr. Doug Phillips blog on the Vision Forum website. I have learned much from what I have read there. In the first half of this year, much of what he was writing was about our nations history and what our nation is now considering our nations history. It set me to thinking:

It is a sad day when our nation rejects God’s hand as a blessing in our history. When they call the early settlers “invaders”. When they say that Pocahontas was forced to become a Christian and was actually murdered! (That is not all they say about her.) When they call Captain John Smith (a true Christian) a liar. It is sad that all these things are happening, but they are true. When all these happen one begins to ask “why”.

Why are they making up these horrible stories? Why are they trying to rewrite history? I think it is because they want to get rid of the memory of God in history as much as possible.

They have already done their best to take the LORD’s hand out of the beginning of the earth and our creation. Now they want to take His hand out of our nations history as well. Our country does not want to admit that an omnipotent God exists. If they can rewrite history without Him, they will feel more comfortable. They will not be confronted with what the LORD has done if they erase it from the history books.

Our nation needs prayer. Our world needs prayer. We as Christians must pray for our fellow man and not only must we pray - we must shine. We must be a “light” to “the world.” We must be like the city on the hill that “cannot be hid.” (Matthew 5:14) We must shine for our King. We must show the world that He does exist. He created our world and us. He does have a hand in history. He created history. History is His Story!

Praise the LORD for what He has done in HIS-story!"

When I read this, of course my stomach started hurting... so many thoughts reeling. What are kids being taught and I would have to think by WHOM? Wow... It started to mess up my morn, but you know what, this has nothing to do with the truth that IS. I feel for these children. How horrible to be raised that there is a specific group that holds the hand of God and that God belongs to them so they can do whatever they want because it is under the hand of their God.

Anyways... prime example of why I will continue to fight all the psychotic tendencies and nuances embedded in American society and be ME... all of ME which embodies all truths of my ancestors. At least that is how I see it. May not be true for all. If I will not allow myself to be seen, truth will be hidden. To quote the child above We must be a “light” to “the world.” We must be like the city on the hill that “cannot be hid.” (Matthew 5:14) ... nuff said.

Can I romanticize too?

Searching for romantic pictures of blacks in the 1800's...

High & Low

I've been looking high and low for a blog that represents some identity issues I have... to find someone, anyone who feels like I do. All I have found are the regular "boxes" that everyone on the net seems to find popular. Here's my quandry...

I am a 41 year old woman struggling with peer pressure. I mean seriously. I am not really impressed with society today. I am inclined to like things that my friends kindly call "country". All these years I have given in to the notion that something was wrong with me and I was a late bloomer and needed to get with the modern program. But I am sick of that... literally sick of living that lie and all the crap that came of it, that I didn't really want in the first place. Ulcers, skin problems, allergies, depression... just a few of the ailments. Also I am not specifically religious in the sense of belonging to a group or religion. I am spiritual. I believe in God, but not in any way that appears limiting to me. However... I am very interested in Friends, Quakers, Mennonites, Amish. I am currently hashing this out and finding exactly what it is that I like about these groups. I especially like their apparel, but I don't see myself in their dress. I am also interested in community lifestyles, but not communes... I have been called a hippy and at times was cool with that label, but from what experience I have had I am not quite sure I can agree with that label for me. Oh and did I fail to mention I am (as far a society's classification) a black woman. Hmmmm... that puts an ever sharper spin on this whole thing, eh? Actually I have many different strains of various peoples DNA running through my body and many different ancestral traditions. African (recently found out Nigerian... Yoruba to be exact), Choctaw, Cherokee, Polish, French, Scottish, Seminole, Blackfoot... and others I apologize to my ancestors for leaving out. I want a farm, but I don't want to put myself in a community where I am a token or worse, persecuted. I love to cook and quilt and sew and sit around talking with my family. I love to camp, fish and love horses. I can't stand what the internet has become, but here I am... a former I.T. Systems Analyst writing a blog. Watching TV makes my stomach hurt with all the subliminal, psychological messages at every turn. So...

I guess this is my little personal secret blog that I write for me to have somewhere to express myself and maybe someone will come along that will feel some of this and then can help in breaking the spell of feeling so alone and with no one to talk to.