What's Really Goin On?

This anger I have been feeling for the past several days, I sincerely wanted to know where it was coming from. I did not want to have a beer and numb it away, so I didn't. I just told the kids and my friends that I was feeling grumpy and grouchy and to excuse me for anything I might say or do that may be uncalled for. Late last night I heard the word "rebellion". It has been my hardheadedness, stubbornness, my black and white extremist vision... I have so many questions about things. Things concerning the Bible and life. When I read the Bible, sometimes I just feel frustration, because I am not liking what I read. But I vow that this time, I will not just get angry and act out. Last night I prayed that God would give me the answers to the questions I have. I did however first indulge in my tendency to find out for myself. So of course I started hunting around on the internet. More frustration. I even decided to type in a "minister" that I use to look to for guidance, Juanita Bynum. As a matter of fact, her along with others (T.D. Jakes, Bishop Paul Morton, Eddie Long and more) were part of the reason I just gave up on what I took as Christianity at the time. There was a news story about her and her husband divorcing and that he beat and choked her in a parking lot. I would like to say I was amazed, but not really. And what I read that folks were saying about the whole incident, that it was a set up so that she could go on to add another "ministry" (domestic abuse) to her repertoire, it made sense. So I ended up reading about the rest of these "ministers" and saw so many things that I was not able to know when I left that whole thing alone 10 years ago. I am not happy that all that went on and is still going on, but I am happy that I had the common sense to leave. So after really seeing that looking to "man" is not the way, I knew that the answers would come directly to my heart and that I just need to wait and listen.

Also I really need to get a KJV Bible like I used to have when I was young. Right now I have a TD Jakes "Woman Thou Art Loosed" Bible and I would just like one that is just the words of the Bible, nothing else.

I found this verse this morning:

Hebrews 3:15

"while it is said:

"Today, if you will hear His voice,
Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion."