Comfort

I am finding so much comfort in Silence and studying the Word. Our house has been anything but silent, but this abiding in the lap of the Lord has been my peace. I don't have much to say as of late, but I hope to have something to share here soon. I want to tell some of the stories of what has been happening day to day here in our home, but I just don't feel ready yet. But I have been thinking of pseudonyms to use for the kiddies... My oldest son is Mr. Diva (22), my second son Taz (20), my baby son is Crochety Ol Man (19), and my baby girl is the Singing Socialite (17). Hahahahaha just seeing those names makes me laugh. :) Oooh I forgot my daughter in law... Miss Tough (21) and my grand-daughter is Taz Jr. (1). Oh yeah, I can see it now... hahahahaha :)

Trying doing

Tryin times today. Tests of my strength to stand up for what is true and right.

Wow has it been over a week...

I had not realized that it has been that long since I've posted. I felt I needed to take some time and let everything settle in and get a little calmer. It has been a trying and good week. I have been throwing away so much old stuff that I have been hanging onto just for fear of throwing away. Old letters and papers, clothes, books... It has been really good. This is really a big thing , or at least I thought it was a big thing. There is so much old baggage that I have held onto that needs to be thrown away! So many memories and hurts tied to old relationships and long ago events. But I know I cannot let fear rob me of happiness. So toss, toss, toss!

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Yesterday it was a pretty wild day around here... arguments, yelling, general craziness... but it opened my eyes to how I act or react to things. I realized that as long as I believe I am incompetent so will others. I am competent, very competent. But I have let people and their negative feelings and actions toward me color who I thought I was. I am so happy the Lord is beside me and telling me that I am His child and he has created me just as I was meant to be, for good or for my flaws, it is all me wrapped around the Love he has put in me. I am standing taller these days. :)

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My granddaughter and her beautiful mother have come to visit us for 3 weeks. They arrived late last night and I am so happy. Lil miss has gotten so big and friendly! :)

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The devotions I subscribed to are so enriching. I have not read all of them, cuz I went a little crazy and signed up for all of them (about 10, I think), but the ones I have read... wow... they are right on.

Here is a devotion that was sent on 10/10:

Be Who You Are

1 CORINTHIANS 15:10 NIV
10 But by the grace of God I am what I am....

ROMANS 12:2  Wuest, An Expanded Translation
2 And stop assuming an outward expression that does not come
from within you and is not representative of what you are in
your inner being but is patterned after this age; but change
your outward expression to one that comes from within and is
representative of your inner being, by the renewing of your
mind, resulting in your putting to the test what is the will of
God, the good and well-pleasing and complete will, and having
found that it meets specifications, place your approval upon it.

God is a brilliant Creator. He only makes originals -- not
copies. According to Ephesians 2:10, you are God's work of
art.

God made you unique. So be all that God created you to be.

Don't try to be someone else. Don't try to be an ear in the
Body of Christ, if God made you a foot. Just be yourself.

This does not mean that you cannot improve, or grow. Growth is
part of God's plan. And we can certainly learn from others, and
imitate excellent actions and attitudes.

But too many people are insecure and hope to gain acceptance
from others by conforming to what they think will make them
popular or successful -- even though they hate it and know they
are not being real.

ROMANS 12:2 Phillips
2 Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own
mould....

Don't let the world pressure you into conforming.

Express the originality that God put within you. God made you
the way you are for a purpose -- His purpose.

This is not to encourage rebellion, of course. But it is not
God's plan for us all to be identical and do everything in the
same way.

I am not saying you have to try to be different. Just be who
God made you -- without fear.

Not everyone may like you, or what you do. But that is normal.
You can't always please everyone. Make it your aim to please
God by expressing what He made you.

ROMANS 12:2 NLT
2 Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let
God transform you into a new person by changing the way you
think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you
will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.

The Bible reveals many truths about who we are once we receive
Jesus Christ. We actually receive new life, a new standing with
God, and new ability. As you feed the Word of God into your
thinking, that new life will be able to manifest  more and
more.

SAY THIS: I am what I am by the grace of God. I will be what
God made me and fulfil His plan for me.

From http://adevotion.org/

Me

I added a picture to my profile. I just have a thing about me and photos. It is a side back view of me at the kitchen sink washing up some dishes that my oldest son snapped.

Inspirations

I came across some wonderful inspirations/Bible verses by way of some the Monday Meandering ladies.

1 John 2:4 (King James Version)
4He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.
@Jenn's Nook

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 6:34
&
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good spirit lead me on level ground. Ps 143:10
@Tonsofsons

I was also really touched by the devotions at the links Tiany put up. I love their simplicity. I signed up for all of them. :) I think these may be the one's to get me started on my daily devotions from MM List. I am also adding them to my sidebar.

Monday Meanderings

1. Bible Study /Devotions - I still have not come across any devotions that I can call regular. I read the Bible daily and that is pretty much all for now. I did subscribe to Above Rubies email list, but I don't think I have received an email yet. (However I have not checked my email for several days now) I will however be checking out the one's that Tiany listed on her post for this week.

2. "Must Do" -

• Help kids get re-enrolled in school
• Set up a system in my notebook to keep track of Bible verses and thoughts concerning them
• Continue organizing personal spaces
• Continue before bed routines and morning routines
• Get some interview outfits together... that fit! :)

3. Zones -

Last week I cleaned under the bathroom sink and some of the kitchen cabinets, but still have one left (pots and pans cabinet) that really needs some attention. And the outside storage closet needs to be sorted through. My sis is having a garage sale and I would like to take most of the stuff over there to get rid of.


4. Train Them Up -

Teaching by example has been having a real and true impact on the kids. I am just living the way God has put in me to live and let that do the rest. My 3rd son happened to catch part of the "I want my daddy" sermon I talked about here. He didn't really say anything, but I overheard him sharing some of what he heard to my 2nd son. Their father is a mirror image of my father. I pray for healing for them concerning him.

5. Meal Planning -

My mentally planning meals and making out grocery lists has been working out pretty well. I cook once day, on the weekends twice and everyone seems pretty happy. :) I want to cut down what we are spending on groceries each week. We were spending around $150 a wk., last week we consciously cut it down to about $120 (that's $120 a month saved... yay!), so we will see what we can do this week. :)

Meal Suggestions:

1. Steak, mashed potatoes, sweet peas & carrots, macaroni n cheese

2. Hamburgers, french fries

3. Chili over rice, cornbread

4. Baked chicken, white rice w/ butter, corn, macaroni n cheese, cornbread

5. Chicken enchiladas, spanish rice, refried beans

6. BBQ chicken, potato salad, baked beans, corn on the cob, white bread


I would also like to make a banana nut bread this week... may try this recipe... yummmmmmmm :)

Self Esteem

[note: If you came here from Monday Meanderings at Tiany's, I accidentally linked to the wrong post... My Monday Meandering Post is here.]


My cousin is here visiting from the Bahamas this week. I am so happy to get the opportunity to see her as I have not seen her for about 10 years. Usually when family visits, something strange happens to me. I usually end up acting as someone other than myself. And after they leave, I usually feel sick in the pit of my stomach and start analyzing the whole situation, and end up beating myself for a while and then repress the whole event. Well this time, I am very happy that I am FULLY aware that this has been happening. So I just stuck with being myself. And I was able to see alot of things. I was able to see exactly where the bad feelings come from. They come from the interaction between my lil sis and me in relation to the visiting family. And from what I can now gather, it stems from issues of who is better... who is skinnier, who has more money, who has a better job, who's children are doing better. Craziness.

Well I still am feeling bad, but not as bad. My sister made little comments to me about my weight in front of our cousin and her friends that would have usually sent me spinning out of control, but this time I just shrugged my shoulders, because I did not know what to say. (She asked me how much I weight in front of everybody and then when I answered, looked at me as if I was lying, because my cousin and I weigh pretty much the same, but I guess don't look like it) Then when she would share stories about her babies we would all laugh, but when I shared stories about my children, my cousin and I would be laughing, but when I would look at my sister she would be looking at me with raised eyebrows not laughing. Wow, I am really glad I am writing this, because the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach is going away as I type. This morning I woke up feeling like crying and feeling bad about myself and it was all from this. Wow.

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I have been praying about an issue I have. Ummm it's kind of hard to really put my finger on, but I guess it could generally be called depression. So yesterday, I felt a really strong desire to call my dad, but I looked at the time and saw he was probably in church at that moment. And I also thought why, because I would probably end up getting off the phone feeling bad. I started to cry at that thought. But I brushed it off and just kept going about my daily business. I pretty much never watch "Christian" TV, but I thought I would give it a go. I ended up catching a sermon entitled "I want my daddy". (Wow, eh?) The preacher spoke on how a troubled relationship with a father affects so many aspects of one's life and colors one's perspective on God (not trusting, not believing). And he gave me food for thought on how to be able to truly let all the hurts and wounds carried around me for 30+ years go, and that God can fulfill all the needs I have put on my father, as he (my dad) is emotionally incapable to meet them. Thank you Lord. :)

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Now onto my Monday Meanderings...