High & Low

I've been looking high and low for a blog that represents some identity issues I have... to find someone, anyone who feels like I do. All I have found are the regular "boxes" that everyone on the net seems to find popular. Here's my quandry...

I am a 41 year old woman struggling with peer pressure. I mean seriously. I am not really impressed with society today. I am inclined to like things that my friends kindly call "country". All these years I have given in to the notion that something was wrong with me and I was a late bloomer and needed to get with the modern program. But I am sick of that... literally sick of living that lie and all the crap that came of it, that I didn't really want in the first place. Ulcers, skin problems, allergies, depression... just a few of the ailments. Also I am not specifically religious in the sense of belonging to a group or religion. I am spiritual. I believe in God, but not in any way that appears limiting to me. However... I am very interested in Friends, Quakers, Mennonites, Amish. I am currently hashing this out and finding exactly what it is that I like about these groups. I especially like their apparel, but I don't see myself in their dress. I am also interested in community lifestyles, but not communes... I have been called a hippy and at times was cool with that label, but from what experience I have had I am not quite sure I can agree with that label for me. Oh and did I fail to mention I am (as far a society's classification) a black woman. Hmmmm... that puts an ever sharper spin on this whole thing, eh? Actually I have many different strains of various peoples DNA running through my body and many different ancestral traditions. African (recently found out Nigerian... Yoruba to be exact), Choctaw, Cherokee, Polish, French, Scottish, Seminole, Blackfoot... and others I apologize to my ancestors for leaving out. I want a farm, but I don't want to put myself in a community where I am a token or worse, persecuted. I love to cook and quilt and sew and sit around talking with my family. I love to camp, fish and love horses. I can't stand what the internet has become, but here I am... a former I.T. Systems Analyst writing a blog. Watching TV makes my stomach hurt with all the subliminal, psychological messages at every turn. So...

I guess this is my little personal secret blog that I write for me to have somewhere to express myself and maybe someone will come along that will feel some of this and then can help in breaking the spell of feeling so alone and with no one to talk to.